Ari Gold Quotes

Sloan: I have your pairings here, I hope you’re not bummed. It was difficult. I placed Vincent and Johnny together.
Drama: Why wouldn’t you!?
Sloan: With Tom Brady and Mark Wahlberg…
Ari: Jee, who’s the ugliest person on that foursome? Think fast.

Ari: Keep your eyes on Andrew Kline.
Lloyd: Keep my eyes on him how?
Ari: Pretend he’s Zac Efron’s Ballsack.

Ari (calling E in the middle of the night): I’m still tingling from the weekend.
E’s girl: Who is it?
E: It’s Ari. It’s OK, go back to sleep.
Ari: Wow, you payed for that or is there actually someone that would bang you for free?

(Vince’s new movie is pushed 12 weeks)
E: What are we supposed to do for 12 weeks?
Ari: Enjoy life, what else. And snap some below the belt photos of that partner of yours and send them over here. I am bored…
E: You wish! Later.
Ari: Later.
Mrs. Ari (still half asleep): You’re bored?
Ari: It was a joke baby, you know I’m never bored here. Now give me something.
Mrs. Ari: What time is it?
Ari: I don’t know. My cock doesn’t wear a watch…

Ari (to Andrew): You put me in a really bad spot. I lied to my wife. 15 years I’ve been faithful. I don’t want the stress of an affair without the fun of the pussy.

(Lloyd is weighing himself)
Ari: Well?
Lloyd: I’m down 6 pounds.
Ari (unimpressed): Wow.
Lloyd: Does it show?
Ari: Yes Lloyd, you’re half the man you used to be. And you were only half a man when you started so bravo!

Ari (entering a meeting): David Schwimmer, my favorite friend.

Ari: Go lose more weight Lloyd. Go lose more weight. NOW!

E (on Lloyd): What are you doing to the guy?
Ari: I’m making him a man. Do you remember when I made you one?

Turtle: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.
Ari: Talk to me about what?
Turtle: Career advice.
Ari: For who?
Turtle: For me..
Ari But you don’t have a career.