Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Where are the bottles?
Lloyd: You said you wanted to be more green.
Ari: That was because Leo was in earshot.

Ari: Lunch?
Andrew: Great!
Ari (to Lloyd): Slave! Call the Grill and tell them we’re on our way.

Ari: Now take a good look at [Andrew]. Alright. Now what do you see in him, that you don’t see in yourself?
Lloyd: I don’t know…
Ari: A purpose. Now call your mother and tell her you don’t have one.

Ari: That’s a personal call you’re on Lloyd. I’m gonna waterboard you.

Adam Davies: What could you possibly want Ari?
Ari: I just wanted to congratulate you on making it to the top of the gestapo!

Ari: Get [Adam Davies] on the phone and Zach too.
Lloyd: Zach who?
Ari: Zach who you don’t get to know his name because you are a peasant. (Shows Zac Efron’s phone number).
Lloyd: Oh good god. Abs alert!
Ari: Don’t whack off to the sound of his voice. Chop chop!

(Ari walks into his office where his employees are gathered around his couch): What the hell is going on?
(finds Andrew sleeping on the couch)
Lloyd: Don’t worry mister Gold, he’s not dead. If felt for a pulse.
Ari (screaming): Everyone get out of here. Or I’m gonna be checking all of you for a pulse, and not finding one!

Ari: Put me on hold longer.
E: Ha, sorry, I actually have to work nowadays.
Ari: Glad that you finally admit the last five years of your life were all fantasy provided by me.

Ari (to Andrew): It’s time for you to wake up and tell me why you think this is a Holiday Inn!

Assistant at E’s new work place: These just came from the front desk for you.
E: Uh well I didn’t order any pizza.
Assistant: Ari Gold sent them. The delivery guy said to tell you: “Good luck, and you’re no longer a pizza boy, you’re now a pizza man”.