Ari Gold Quotes

Ari (to Turtle): Look. When my son was born, my greatest fear was having this conversation. I knew that I would give him anything he wanted because he was my son. And I couldn’t say no, which sucks because it wouldn’t help him and he’d just end up on the street doing heroine with the two corys because I was to much of a pussy to teach him a lesson. I won’t make that mistake with you.

Ari: What I’m capable of doing and what you’re capable of doing are two totally different things.
E: So what would you do?
Ari: I would make a scene of biblical proportions. I would lie, scream, beg, borrow and steal. If that somehow didn’t part Amy Miller’s legs then I would call racism and I would yell for all to hear: “you’re really gonna fire my poor black client off the show he CREATED? I’m callin the NAACP, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and the ghost of my man – MALCOM X!”
E: Awesome. Guess I’m gonna try my own thing.

(Gold’s and Cline’s at dinner)
Mrs Ari: Oh, Ari how would you feel about the fours of us, Cabo for News Year’s Eve.
Ari: Fuck New Year’s Eve, It’s overrated and over priced!

Mrs Ari: I thought you wanted us to be friends!
Ari: Friends, not Siamese ass buddies!

Ari (leaving dinner): You need some cash?
Mrs Ari: I am not a hooker.
Ari: Oh, but what a good one you would be!

(Talking to Andrew about his wife)
Ari: My wife will love her, trust me. And when we’re together after this, we don’t have to speak to them and we get to keep all our money.

Andrew: I have a proposition for you.
Ari: A wife swap tonight, how’s the misses looking these days?
Andrew: Not bad, but I’m talking about Lizzy Grant..
Ari: The junior agent with the great ass. Is she offering it up?

Employee: Morning Ari, how are you?
Ari: Well, my girl won her debate on Friday, my boy scored a goal on soccer on Saturday and my wife agreed to visit her mother without me. I don’t know how things could get much better!

Ari: Didn’t you hear? Andrew just signed another show runner.
Babs: Oh I heard, very impressive!
Ari: So you either owe me an apology or a blow job. Your choise.

Lloyd: I had dinner with my parents last night, and my father spent the entire meal reaming me out.
Ari: You never told him you liked dick.
Lloyd: He knew that the time I was nine.
Ari: I’m not following you but the phone is ringing.
Lloyd: I need to talk to you about my … career.
Ari: The career you won’t have if you don’t answer the phone?