Ari Gold Quotes

Ari (leaving dinner): You need some cash?
Mrs Ari: I am not a hooker.
Ari: Oh, but what a good one you would be!

(Talking to Andrew about his wife)
Ari: My wife will love her, trust me. And when we’re together after this, we don’t have to speak to them and we get to keep all our money.

Andrew: I have a proposition for you.
Ari: A wife swap tonight, how’s the misses looking these days?
Andrew: Not bad, but I’m talking about Lizzy Grant..
Ari: The junior agent with the great ass. Is she offering it up?

Employee: Morning Ari, how are you?
Ari: Well, my girl won her debate on Friday, my boy scored a goal on soccer on Saturday and my wife agreed to visit her mother without me. I don’t know how things could get much better!

Ari: Didn’t you hear? Andrew just signed another show runner.
Babs: Oh I heard, very impressive!
Ari: So you either owe me an apology or a blow job. Your choise.

Lloyd: I had dinner with my parents last night, and my father spent the entire meal reaming me out.
Ari: You never told him you liked dick.
Lloyd: He knew that the time I was nine.
Ari: I’m not following you but the phone is ringing.
Lloyd: I need to talk to you about my … career.
Ari: The career you won’t have if you don’t answer the phone?

Lloyd: But Ari, we haven’t even really talked!
Ari: I talked, and my hope is that you listened.

Lloyd: You’re drinking in the middle of the day?
Ari: Yeah well, they do it on Mad Men all the time and they’re pretty succesful!

Shauna: Nice of you to show Ari.
Ari: Nice of you to lose the baby weight. What do you have like nine kids now?
Shauna: Three asshole.
Ari: Really, did you figure out who the fathers are?
Shauna: Don’t take it out on me you don’t have an excuse for those extra pounds…
Ari: Eh, I’m still at 6% body fat, OK?
Shauna: Yeah, and still 94% full of shit.

Ari: 100 days. You do everything that I say, or you don’t.
Lloyd: Fine…
Ari: First thing I’m saying, you drop 15 pounds.
Lloyd: You want me to drop 15 pounds…
Ari: I’m asking that for Tom, what I want will be much harder. Now go.
(Ari returns to his house)
Lloyd: I’m gonna make it through this Ari Gold!
Ari: It will be worse then when you had your anal cherry popped, but hey, you just might.