Ari Gold Quotes

Babs: I’m not making any promises.
Ari (in his sweetest voice): Okay, your consideration is all I can ask for..
Babs (somewhat put off): Have a good day Ari.
Ari (out loud): You too, and congrats again Babs! (pauzes) You nasty twat… (Echoing Babs) I can’t make any promises, I can’t make any room alone- LLOYD!

Andrew: Why is everybody looking at me?
Ari: Cause you look good!
Andrew: I feel like a douche.
Lloyd: Andrew, my voice must be heard. You do not look like a douche, you look like a powerful handsome new Miller Gold partner.
Ari: You stick with me Andrew, and that won’t be the last you have for a blow job today.

(Babs wants Andrew to pitch her like she was Julia Roberts, and Andrew chokes)
Ari: Wow, Julia, it’s amazing how much you look like Eric Roberts!

(Ari runs into Babs’ Variety’s Powerful Women luncheon)
Hostess: Sir, you can’t go in there!
Ari: Well, I’m the guest motivational speaker..

Ari (jumps onto the stage of the Variety’s Powerful Women luncheon): Attention everyone, I’d like to make a toast ladies. To Barbara Miller, number 33 on your prestigious list, and you know what, It’s actually amazing to me, that at her advanced age it is the first time she made the list. She probably thought this is never gonna happen. But this little lady is sharp. She went out and she found herself a man to partner up with and look what she was able to accomplish. Huh? It’s gonna be interesting though, once she’s lost that man, too see how she’s going to claw her way back into this banquet room. But anyway, cheers to you Babs, and to all of you out there who have saddled up next to powerful men just so you can stand in our way. But remember this: although you can stand in our way, you will never keep us down. Thank you!

Babs: I want an apology. Now.
Ari: Ladies, I’m sorry, I would love to congratulate each and everyone of you, but unfortunately, Barbara’s cock is all I can handle. Congrats again.

Lloyd: Andrew Klein was once your close friend and mentor, now go reminisce and enjoy yourself, because I’m not cancelling. … Maybe put on a cheaper watch though so he doesn’t feel too bad?
Ari: Run down to Geri’s and get me a stainless Rolex.

Ari: Andy and I were once brothers. A twist of fate turned one of us into gold and one of us into -well- a broke desperate begging for money cock sucker.

Lloyd: What are those?
Ari: His books. Company books. Gave ‘m to me to prove that he can pay me back. (Sighs) What am I doing? You’re Asian, you’re supposed to be good with numbers. Figure out if he has any shot at paying me back, because if he doesn’t, you will!

Ari: You know, Andrew Klein was me when we were younger. We were the same. Rising stars, both made lots of money, both got tons of pussy.
Lloyd: What happened?
Ari: We both married too young.
Lloyd: I meant with work…