Ari Gold Quotes

E: [My writers] want 500Gs and a guarantee that the movie get made.
Ari: Sound like a bunch of idiots, perfect clients for you E.

E: Hey Ari, I don’t have Steve Pearl’s number.
Ari: You just heard the offer from me, Dopey. What you need a certified letter from him to work over Amanda? Just do it.

Ari: You looked stressed E, what’s the matter? Amanda playing to rough for you? Because I can call her and tell her pick on someone her own size…

Ari: Good news Lloyd, Vince will have a new movie poster for you to wack off to, soon.

Ari: One brother getting out of movie jail, one brother just getting outa jail.

(Mrs. Ari bought Ari a car for their aniversary)
Ari: Fuck Me!
Son: Daddy!
Ari: I’m sorry buddy, I’m sorry buddy but holy shh…

Adam Davies: Wow, nice car Ari!
Ari: Aniversary gift from the wife, thanks Davies.
Adam Davies: Oh, that’s right. I forgot you married into money. Good for you Ari, good for you.
Ari: We only use our money for the small stuff. You know, someday when you’re done sucking on Terrence’s tit you might get yourself a real men’s car like this.

Ari: How about we race for pink slips? I was thinking about getting that car for my daughter, for her sweet sixteen.
Adam Davies: Daughter is almost sixteen Ari? Two more years and she’s legal.
Ari: Watch it Davies!

Lloyd: I’d like to see [Davies] come here and try and collect…
Ari: Well, my confidence grows tenfold knowing that you have my back, but I don’t welch. So, here is a hundred dollars, put in a brown paper back, along with a nice big pile of shit and send it over there.
Lloyd: Excuse me…?
Ari: Human shit, Lloyd.. Right now.
Lloyd: That is really disgusting Ari.
Ari: No, really disgusting is going to be the American Psycho style dismemberment I’m going to perform on you if you don’t do that right fucking now!
Lloyd: What about doggy poop?
Ari: HUMAN shit Lloyd. Yours, if it’s easier. Otherwise, go camp out in the men’s bathroom, or the woman’s bathroom, whichever will have you, but I need a specimen.

Ari (picking up the phone): WHAT?
E: Oh, that’s a nice greeting the Miller Gold Agency’s got going on there, Ari.
Ari: Yeah, well listen, if I knew it was you it would have been a lot worse, What!?