Ari Gold Quotes

Ari (to Lloyd): Don’t ever spell in front of my son again, because he’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R than you.

Ari (his son is in the office): What do you need Lloyd?
Lloyd: Oh, I guess it can wait.
Ari: Unless you want to talk about some of your X-rated weekend adventures, my son can handle it.

Ari (to Christina Aguilera): If you give me an Emmy winning performance I will have Kobe Bryant sing at your birthday.

Mrs Ari: Don’t talk to my sister like that.
Ari: I don’t wanna speak to her at all.

Mrs. Ari: I feel like everyone’s looking at me. I don’t even wanna be here.
Ari: You’re here because of your son and no one is looking at you except for that Seagul kid’s dad who always looks at you because he wants to bang you.

Ari (to Amanda): You’re sorry? You’re sorry for what? You’re sorry for leaking slanderous out of context nonsense about me huh? And then rifling through all my hard work to steal my football team? Fuck you, ok? Fuck you. And now hold on a second. I’d never hit a woman in my entire life but I swear to God in my mind right now I am pummeling your smug face to a pulp for everything you did to me, my career and my family. But not to worry all right. Because I will prevail, because I’m a winner and you’re a whore with more cleavage than talent. And I will not stop untill I destroy you.

(Amanda keeps calling)
Ari: I don’t want to speak to her.
Jake: Should I tell her that?
Ari: Tell her I want her to die!

Richard Branson (walks in on Ari’s family night with two hot blondes): I’m in family mode too, so…
Ari: Yes. Well played sir. I love your family.
Mrs. Ari: ARI!
Ari: Honey, he has twins. How rare is that?

Ari: Jonah, next time boy’s night out. These girls are annoying.

Ari (on family night): I’m here, I’m present, I’m suffering. No phone, Blackberries or carrier pigeons.