Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: A writer’s assistant on a sitcom once sued for inappropriate talk, went to the supreme court. You know what they told her? They told her that the writers could talk about gangbanging her all day long as long as they don’t do it.

Ari (to Amanda): Lizzie’s little work of fiction journal proves that I’m guilty like Lindsay Blowhan proves that fame is fucking healthy.

Ari: Listen, E. I’ll call you in an hour. Make sure your doppelgängbanger stays off the line. GO!

[Eric and Scott enter Ari's office]
Ari: Is this the Big Brother program of America except who’s the big brother?

Jake: Eric and Scott I told your office now is not a good time. Ari is not in a great mood.
Ari: HAS THAT WHORE CALLED ME BACK YET?
Jake: Told you.

Ari: I think your eye is growing cataract because as you see by the day’s event anyone she wants or has, be it a sitcom actor or a circus freak, I’m going after.

Ari (to Amanda): Please don’t tell me you’re the one who picked up the straight Lizzie from the harsh gutter of life.

Lloyd (looking at the dog): Isn’t he delicious?
Ari: Find something else to cook for dinner. Jessica is taking him.

Ari (to Andrew Sorkin): I’m now on Facebook because of you. I’ve got 600 friends. (Looks at Jessica Simpson): And John Mayer is not one of them.

[Jessica Simpson is coming in]
Ari (to Andrew Sorkin): She looks great and she’s single. You know what John Mayer said about her. Sexual napalm. You love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like victory.