Ari Gold Quotes

(Lloyd hides a present for Ari)
Ari: Why are you sitting like that? What are you wearing, a butt plug?

Lloyd: I’m scared of your wife, Ari.
Ari: Yeah me too, maybe if I rub this guys on the balls she’ll disappear.

Therapist: Don’t you feel that a lacking sexual relationship is a big problem in a marriage?
Ari: Oh, I do doc. But we fuck more than any other married couple you know. And I know this because whenever we go out with another married couple and the subject comes up, they always say, you know, I can’t believe how often you guys fuck.

Ari: So you know.. After the year that I’ve had, and on the most important day of my life, you think that she would ask me what I wanted!? You know, a nice blowjob perhaps. Where I could just site back for the first time in nine months and do nothing but admire the top of her head, and *pray* that this fucking movie opens so I can stop selling off assets like we’re fucking Micheal Jackson.

(Ari shows Lloyd the dust on his finger)
Lloyds: The cleaning staff ’s on strike, you know that.
Ari: They strike, you work. You’re Asian, you’re supposed to be a neat freak. Go get a rag. (..) Go Lloyd, go. I want every desk steril enough for you to get trained on.

Ari: Drama, how are *you* doing?
Drama: Still no agent… What do you say?
Ari: I say that it’s important that whoever reps you, cares about you. Right?

Ari: Big week! The kinda week that you will remember your whole life. It’s like the week that you got your first blowjob. You remember that week? I do! 9th grade!
E: Oh, one of the boys in the chess team Ari?
Ari: Oh, E, you could have never gotten this girl. Never! Beth Meraposa. Had a mouth like a Dyson Vacuum, you know, never lost suction.

Ari: You’re not gonna roll the red carpet with the three musketeers, not this time.
E: That’s only two, I’m bringing Sloan.
Ari: Perfect! Let Vinnie walk the rug with her. She’s way to hot for you anyway.

Ari: Come on now, let’s be classy. You’ve been banging every girl (..) for the last six months, just pick the one skank that’s gonna photograph well and be done with it. Boom!
E: That does sound classy!

Ari: It’s pretty urgent that in the 15 minutes a day I have free, I take the time to keep this body fit. And not just so you have a great ass to look at, I want to life!