Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun, tell her that I’m gonna start a website. I will take a full page ad out in the L.A. Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called imahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I Want A Fucking Call Back!

Ari: What the fuck are you wearing?
Lloyd: I’m trying out new looks. This one is my Andre 3000. You like?
Ari: No I don’t, you look like Michelle Kwan in drag. Why don’t you do a triple fucking axel over to the phone and try Cameron again.

Variety is like a high school paper. They pay their writers 28 grand a year to find out something to write about the populair kids.

Mrs. Ari (doesn’t want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can’t even have that.
Ari: You could have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, than I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking wednesday.

Ari: Sundance is a great festival for little people. You should kill over there! But for the rest of us normal people, it’s just a chance to fuck a mormon.

Ari: You know the Station Agent, Eric? Monster fucking hit at Sundance. Did you see it? It’s about the midget who lives by the train tracks. Last time I saw him, he was in a FedEx commercial, they were overnighting him to London.

Ari (at the Playboy Mansion): God damn I wish I wasn’t married.

Turtle: They ain’t kicking us out, OK? Vince is a superstar! If it ain’t this, it’s something else!
Ari: MC Hammer could have used a guy like you, Turtle, back in the days.

Vince: Don’t you need to be home with your wife, Ari?
Ari: Noh… I make the god damn rules. (Pauzes) I got ’till 2..

Vince: I wanna hear what the lovely Heffgirls have to say, OK?
Ari: All right, they’re better to look at than to listen too but aight.