Ari Gold Quotes

(Ari’s trying to sneak out the door)
Mrs. Ari: Where are you going Ari?
Ari: I-i have a meeting…
Mrs. Ari: At the Playboy Mansion??
Ari: You know, Playboy Mansion, strip clubs, whore houses, I go where the meetings are. It’s my fucking job.

E: He doesn’t wanna get typecasted
Ari (pointing out people): Look a.. There’s the Joker, there’s Batman, there’s Spiderman… all typecasted… as rich guys!

(E hasn’t got sex)
Ari: I’d say, hug it out, but I don’t want you drawin’ wood.

(E’s girlfriend has her period)
Vince: He’s not getting it.
Ari: Oh no, you kidding me? You want me to get Lloyd in here and have him harry carry you with his pecker? No. No? I thought the girlfriend was still in play!
Vince: Ah! Bad time of the month to come home!
Ari: Ooh, you’s like me. I won’t even fuck my wife after she plays tennis.

Ari: I got a lunch meeting with Dana Gordon.
E: Well, should I be there?
Ari: No, unless you wanna pull up our car or serve us some sort of crème brulee or something?

Ari: This kid’s got no patience. You know, in some countries they would cut of your elven feet for disrupting the master’s flow.
E: Yeah, I’ll shove my little elven foot up your ass.
Ari: You missed me didn’t you?

Ari: You like the Gaysian Lloyd? He’s cute, right? And he covers two quotas.

Larry David: You never called me back!
Ari: Ok, listen, I was gonna go to the game with you. I told Emily that we were gonna be late. OK? I went to go talk to Vin, he’s doing the whole, he’s got the 18-weeler with equipment and going crazy, they’re making powershakes, he got the fucking crazy glasses on, I don’t know what’s happening! I told Emily to call you, she do….
Larry David: What are you talking about? What language are you talking?

Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don’t steal other people’s motherfucking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I’m going to take everyone! Your B-level sitcom stars, your reality TV writers. When I’m done with you you’ll be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog Faced bitch Boy, call Josh Winefuck. The lightweight pen stealing fuck face. (Takes a sip of Josh’ drink): That’s awful!

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E (getting a wake up call from Ari): What time is it?
Ari: It’s time to wake the fuck up, I already shot a 72 bitch!
E: What, in the front nine?
Ari: Yeah, that’s funny cunty.