Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: You know [Lizzie] fucked Andrew? That’s what caused this whole spiral. It wasn’t the drugs, it was her evil pussy that lured him in.

Ari: No [Andrew]’s not coming back. He’s a coke fiend sex addict who wrote checks out of this company’s account to buy hookers. So no, he will never work here again.

Mike Tyson: I wanna do like the black Brady Bunch. I’m trying to rehab my image. I want to spend some of that worldly wisdom that I picked up on my journey in life.
Ari: And then if Bobby doesn’t listen to you, you bite his ear off.

[Mike Tyson is explaining how he needs a new job, something 9 to 5]
Ari: You’re talking about something in sales? Because I think the intimidation factor could work in your favor. Or it could be a liability.

Ari: JAKE! You’re about to witness what made me who I am today.

Ari: Former colleague Lizzie Grant is trying to take clients from this agency.
Agent: She called Mike Tyson…
Ari: She’s calling the sports department!

Ari: Oh come … – That’s what marriage is for, so you can bang out your anger.

Ari: Andrew! What a tragic time to be calling. I just landed an NFL team in Los Angeles and if you didn’t blow your entire career up your nose you’d be banging cheerleaders up in a luxury box with us.

Ari (after hanging up on Katzenberg): Call my wife. I may even take her to dinner. You go to dinner as well on me. You got a girl?
Jake: Not right now.
Ari: Well you want cash for a hooker? Either way.

Ari: Barbara Miller has committed ten million dollars and agreed to work for free as the mascot. How about that? The L.A. Cougars.