Ari Gold Quotes

(sitting in a vegetarian restaurant)
Ari: What the fuck are we doing here, man. I’m on Atkins, I need protein.
Vince’s girl: Ah come on, there’s plenty of protein in mong beans.
Ari: No no, I’m talking about real protein. You know, like men protein, you know, from the flesh of slaughtered animals. (..)
Vince: Meat is murder…
Ari: Even broccoli screams when you rip it from the ground!

Ari: You think my assistant is hot? Can’t tell..
E: Yeah, I do.
Ari: Thinking about hittin’ that.

Ari: I’m not trying to fuck you Sarah, I’m trying to sign you.

Ari (on the phone): I don’t represent talent, I represent temperature and he’s not hot. All right. Tell him fucking that.

Ari: Where’s your bedside manner dummy? What are you doing bringing up a bad review?
E: You just said it didn’t matter…
Ari: It DOES matter. Everybody in this town reads that thing all right? I got more calls about this stupid ass thing than I did when my mother passed away, all right?

Ari: You know what Vince? We’ve got to get you a real manager.
Vince: Why pay 10 percent when I got E over here for four grand a month?
Ari: Four grand a month that’s what I pay my dogwalker. You wanna hit the road tomorrow?

Ari: Are you a communist? Or a socialist? Or didn’t they tell you the difference at Pepperoni U?

E (on Justine Chapin): Come on, she’s not a virgin!
Ari: Always a cynic, E.

Ari: I’d like to talk to Vince.
E. Vince’d like you to talk to me!
Ari (making a suggestion of breaking the phone): Ok player, tell him Colin Farrell took Matterhorn. (closing his phone) FUCK YOU!!

Ari (after E leaves him at dinner): Can I get a check please? Domo arigato [...]