Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: I’ll give [Deadline Hollywood] a scoop.
Babs: Oh, you got one?
Ari: Yeah, I’m gonna tell her that you blew Mickey Rooney and gargled with it. She’ll love it.

Ari: Deadline Hollywood would run a story about me having a loose stool much less having recorded tapes of me.

Ari: What are you laughing about?
Employee: Nothing.
Ari: Then don’t.

Ari: I don’t wanna talk to anybody, was I not clear? Nobody. I don’t care if Justin Bieber calls and wants me to negotiate the rights to his virginity, I don’t wanna talk to him. NOBODY.

Ari: Jesus Billy you’re back and apparently working at the Gap.

Ari: A writer’s assistant on a sitcom once sued for inappropriate talk, went to the supreme court. You know what they told her? They told her that the writers could talk about gangbanging her all day long as long as they don’t do it.

Ari (to Amanda): Lizzie’s little work of fiction journal proves that I’m guilty like Lindsay Blowhan proves that fame is fucking healthy.

Ari: Listen, E. I’ll call you in an hour. Make sure your doppelgängbanger stays off the line. GO!

[Eric and Scott enter Ari's office]
Ari: Is this the Big Brother program of America except who’s the big brother?

Jake: Eric and Scott I told your office now is not a good time. Ari is not in a great mood.
Ari: HAS THAT WHORE CALLED ME BACK YET?
Jake: Told you.