Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Former colleague Lizzie Grant is trying to take clients from this agency.
Agent: She called Mike Tyson…
Ari: She’s calling the sports department!

Ari: Oh come … – That’s what marriage is for, so you can bang out your anger.

Ari: Andrew! What a tragic time to be calling. I just landed an NFL team in Los Angeles and if you didn’t blow your entire career up your nose you’d be banging cheerleaders up in a luxury box with us.

Ari (after hanging up on Katzenberg): Call my wife. I may even take her to dinner. You go to dinner as well on me. You got a girl?
Jake: Not right now.
Ari: Well you want cash for a hooker? Either way.

Ari: Barbara Miller has committed ten million dollars and agreed to work for free as the mascot. How about that? The L.A. Cougars.

Ari: I did play a little [football] in high school. I was pretty good for a Jew.

Lizzy: You screwed me. And I’m gonna do everything I can to pay you back.
Ari: Is it that time of the month for you Lizzy? Because I think that your hormones are making your brain forget WHO YOU’RE THREATENING.

Ari: Well I was hoping that we could part on good terms.
Lizzy: You can go fuck yourself Ari.
Ari: Now is that nice? I’m preparing a nice severance package for you. You don’t want me angry when I’m writing you a check, do you?

Ari (off to speak with Lizzy who is leaving the company): Send ‘m off with sweetness Jake! Hopefully you won’t have to taste my sugar any time soon.
Assistant: Yeah, let’s hope.

Assistant: Ari, you don’t have to be nervous. You’re gonna do great.
Ari: What are you, my life coach?