Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Well tell the school, that when they schedule a parent teacher conference for 2:30 on a weekday, that’s just their way of saying we don’t care about daddy.

Ari: Even with a million man army sometimes you got to do some groundwork yourself. Saddam Hussein had to hang a few without assistants, no?

E: You represent the guy.
Ari: I represent everyone now, Eric.

E: Come on Ari, you’re the perfect picture of marital bliss.
Ari: Like a hostage with a machete to it’s neck you have to put on a good face for the camera.

Ari: E, long time hear. You married yet?
E: Yeah October Ari. I assume you’ll be there?
Ari: Listen. Can I keep the little groom from the top of the cake just in case Sloan never lets you out of the house again? I could carry you around in my pocket like I always dreamed of.

Ari: Someone find out why we’re not selling the NFL rights.
Agent: They do it internally.
Ari: Well they shouldn’t so somebody get me a meeting.

Ari: This is now the biggest agency in the world. And I’m the head of it. Which makes me the biggest agent in the world. Now, can anyone tell me why I chose to be the biggest agent in the world? It’s so I can stop being a fucking agent. So don’t tell me to show the love, that’s what I pay you people for.

Ari (shouting trough the corridors of Terrence’s offices): Now Lloyd, maybe you’re not here, maybe you are. Either way, you have nothing to fear because I’m not gonna kill you. I love you. You see even though you betrayed me you are the best slave that I ever had. I mean, who could possibly replace the way that you picked up my dry cleaning? No one. Who could better the way you picked up my dog’s shit?
And if I liked short fat men sucking on my dick I’m sure that no one could do it better than you either. So, return to the king or exile yourself from this town forever. You have until the end of the day tomorrow to agree to be rebranded MINE!

Ari: Jesse, how have you been?
Jesss: I’ve been…
Ari (shoots him with a paintball gun): Great! I’m back, and you’re fired.

Ari: I always dreamed about ruling the world, but now that I’m getting older I’ll settle for Hollywood.