Ari Gold Quotes

Terrence: Unlike you, I have a soft heart.
Ari: Haha. Soft like a diamond.

Ari (spotting Adam Davies and Lloyd at Terrence’s office): You two make a cute couple!

Therapist: Is it possible that these people are the reason you wanna buy this agency? (…)
Ari: OK, Yes! If I could gouge out Terrence McQuewick’s eyeballs, and eat them for what he did to me, I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies in a white slavery if we lived in a place that had a market for it. And LLOYD, that little queen, who I welcomed into my home and allowed to play with my children and care for my dog and who left me for those two scumbags… I would tie him up and allow the entire screen actors guild to anally rape him if not for the fact that I know he would enjoy it. I hate ‘m all. And yes, I want to see them destroyed.

Ari (fires another assistant): Back to the Iowa farmhouse that breastfed you till fifteen.

Terrence: I have some business I’d like to discuss.
Ari: At your age? Shouldn’t you have more important concerns? Like finding an assisted living facility?

Ari: If you have business to discuss, start dicussing. Because I’m busy with my own business.

Terrence: If you change your mind, you know where I am.
Ari: Clubbing baby seals somewhere?

(Ari walks into yet another assistant)
Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I’m Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant.
Ari: I don’t care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone.
Jake: Uhm, any relation to Kelly Kapowski? You know, Saved by the Bell?
Ari: You’re finished. Go. You’re fucking fired.

Ari: Have you ever heard of a fucking prenup?
Terrence: Oh, you have one?
Ari: I’d kill my wife before I got a divorce.

Terrence: Do you have an offer?
Ari (draws something): I do!
Terrence: What’s this?
Ari: It’s a vagina! What does it look like?