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Callback

2 Jan

Larry David: You never called me back!
Ari: Ok, listen, I was gonna go to the game with you. I told Emily that we were gonna be late. OK? I went to go talk to Vin, he’s doing the whole, he’s got the 18-weeler with equipment and going crazy, they’re making powershakes, he got the fucking crazy glasses on, I don’t know what’s happening! I told Emily to call you, she do….
Larry David: What are you talking about? What language are you talking?

Josh Winefuck

2 Jan

Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don’t steal other people’s motherfucking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I’m going to take everyone! Your B-level sitcom stars, your reality TV writers. When I’m done with you you’ll be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog Faced bitch Boy, call Josh Winefuck. The lightweight pen stealing fuck face. (Takes a sip of Josh’ drink): That’s awful!

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Wake Up

2 Jan

E (getting a wake up call from Ari): What time is it?
Ari: It’s time to wake the fuck up, I already shot a 72 bitch!
E: What, in the front nine?
Ari: Yeah, that’s funny cunty.

See Me

2 Jan

E (having a video chat with Ari): I hate that you can see me, you know?
Ari: I love that I can see you. That’s why I bought the thing for you. Show me a little nipple.
E: BYE!

Recycle

2 Jan

Vince’s girl (read the Queens Blvd. script): Do you guys have a problem with that?
Ari: Not if you don’t mind it not being printed on recycled paper.

Broccoli

2 Jan

(sitting in a vegetarian restaurant)
Ari: What the fuck are we doing here, man. I’m on Atkins, I need protein.
Vince’s girl: Ah come on, there’s plenty of protein in mong beans.
Ari: No no, I’m talking about real protein. You know, like men protein, you know, from the flesh of slaughtered animals. (..)
Vince: Meat is murder…
Ari: Even broccoli screams when you rip it from the ground!

Hot or Not

2 Jan

Ari: You think my assistant is hot? Can’t tell..
E: Yeah, I do.
Ari: Thinking about hittin’ that.

Sarah Silverman

2 Jan

Ari: I’m not trying to fuck you Sarah, I’m trying to sign you.

Not Hot

2 Jan

Ari (on the phone): I don’t represent talent, I represent temperature and he’s not hot. All right. Tell him fucking that.

Bedside Manner

1 Jan

Ari: Where’s your bedside manner dummy? What are you doing bringing up a bad review?
E: You just said it didn’t matter…
Ari: It DOES matter. Everybody in this town reads that thing all right? I got more calls about this stupid ass thing than I did when my mother passed away, all right?