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2 Jan

Larry David: You never called me back!
Ari: Ok, listen, I was gonna go to the game with you. I told Emily that we were gonna be late. OK? I went to go talk to Vin, he’s doing the whole, he’s got the 18-weeler with equipment and going crazy, they’re making powershakes, he got the fucking crazy glasses on, I don’t know what’s happening! I told Emily to call you, she do….
Larry David: What are you talking about? What language are you talking?

Banging Assistant

23 Aug

Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How’d you know that?
Ari: ‘Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta to fire her so you don’t feel weird.
Eric: No. Don’t fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I’ll just sexually harass her until she quits.


23 Aug

(E wants to take up the managing business)
Ari: So you come to me for advice. I’m gonna fucking cry. All right, here’s what you do. You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn’t need me that much.
Ari: Of course he doesn’t need you. You’re fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That’s not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn’t trust anyone in this world but you. You’ve been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.