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Belt Parkway

15 Jun

E: We know what we wanna do next.
Ari: What? The fucking Belt Parkway?

Fuck my Assistant

15 Jun

E: What? You fired Emily?
Ari: I had to E. To make sure you wouldn’t fuck another one of my assistants. You’re not gonna try to fuck Lloyd are you?

No Wood

2 Jan

(E hasn’t got sex)
Ari: I’d say, hug it out, but I don’t want you drawin’ wood.

No Sex. Period.

2 Jan

(E’s girlfriend has her period)
Vince: He’s not getting it.
Ari: Oh no, you kidding me? You want me to get Lloyd in here and have him harry carry you with his pecker? No. No? I thought the girlfriend was still in play!
Vince: Ah! Bad time of the month to come home!
Ari: Ooh, you’s like me. I won’t even fuck my wife after she plays tennis.


2 Jan

Ari: I got a lunch meeting with Dana Gordon.
E: Well, should I be there?
Ari: No, unless you wanna pull up our car or serve us some sort of crème brulee or something?

Elven Feet

2 Jan

Ari: This kid’s got no patience. You know, in some countries they would cut of your elven feet for disrupting the master’s flow.
E: Yeah, I’ll shove my little elven foot up your ass.
Ari: You missed me didn’t you?


2 Jan

Ari: You like the Gaysian Lloyd? He’s cute, right? And he covers two quotas.

Do It!

23 Aug

E: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C’mon, the guy’s not even Hispanic.
Ari: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That’s what actors do. They pretend.
E: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
E: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain’t on the list.
E: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari Gold: You do “Aquaman,” you stupid fuck!