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Wednesday

5 Jan

Mrs. Ari (doesn’t want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can’t even have that.
Ari: You could have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, than I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking wednesday.

Small

5 Jan

Ari: Sundance is a great festival for little people. You should kill over there! But for the rest of us normal people, it’s just a chance to fuck a mormon.

Overnight

5 Jan

Ari: You know the Station Agent, Eric? Monster fucking hit at Sundance. Did you see it? It’s about the midget who lives by the train tracks. Last time I saw him, he was in a FedEx commercial, they were overnighting him to London.

Fuck Micha Barton

23 Aug

(Ari mistakes a mail boy for an assistant)
Ari: Well, what is it you’re supposed to know, do you think? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Mail boy: I didn’t… I didn’t think…
Ari: Let me tell you something. You don’t have to say anything, you know why? Cause you pick up all your stuff, because you’re mother-fucking fired!