Ari Gold Quotes

Mrs. Ari (doesn’t want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can’t even have that.
Ari: You could have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, than I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking wednesday.

Ari: Sundance is a great festival for little people. You should kill over there! But for the rest of us normal people, it’s just a chance to fuck a mormon.

Ari: You know the Station Agent, Eric? Monster fucking hit at Sundance. Did you see it? It’s about the midget who lives by the train tracks. Last time I saw him, he was in a FedEx commercial, they were overnighting him to London.

Ari (at the Playboy Mansion): God damn I wish I wasn’t married.

Turtle: They ain’t kicking us out, OK? Vince is a superstar! If it ain’t this, it’s something else!
Ari: MC Hammer could have used a guy like you, Turtle, back in the days.

Vince: Don’t you need to be home with your wife, Ari?
Ari: Noh… I make the god damn rules. (Pauzes) I got ’till 2..

Vince: I wanna hear what the lovely Heffgirls have to say, OK?
Ari: All right, they’re better to look at than to listen too but aight.

(Ari’s trying to sneak out the door)
Mrs. Ari: Where are you going Ari?
Ari: I-i have a meeting…
Mrs. Ari: At the Playboy Mansion??
Ari: You know, Playboy Mansion, strip clubs, whore houses, I go where the meetings are. It’s my fucking job.

E: He doesn’t wanna get typecasted
Ari (pointing out people): Look a.. There’s the Joker, there’s Batman, there’s Spiderman… all typecasted… as rich guys!

(E hasn’t got sex)
Ari: I’d say, hug it out, but I don’t want you drawin’ wood.