Ari Gold Quotes

(E’s girlfriend has her period)
Vince: He’s not getting it.
Ari: Oh no, you kidding me? You want me to get Lloyd in here and have him harry carry you with his pecker? No. No? I thought the girlfriend was still in play!
Vince: Ah! Bad time of the month to come home!
Ari: Ooh, you’s like me. I won’t even fuck my wife after she plays tennis.

Ari: I got a lunch meeting with Dana Gordon.
E: Well, should I be there?
Ari: No, unless you wanna pull up our car or serve us some sort of crème brulee or something?

Ari: This kid’s got no patience. You know, in some countries they would cut of your elven feet for disrupting the master’s flow.
E: Yeah, I’ll shove my little elven foot up your ass.
Ari: You missed me didn’t you?

Ari: You like the Gaysian Lloyd? He’s cute, right? And he covers two quotas.

(Ari returning from a talk with heartbroken Vince)
Lloyd: How’d it go?
Ari: How’d the fucking Bay of Pigs go, Lloyd?

Ari (shouting drunk, out of Lloyd’s car window): My life is over…
Lloyd: You’ll bounce back, Ari Gold!
Ari: I drove to work in an $80,000 Mercedes, and I’m going home in a prop car from the Fast and the Furious, I just don’t see it…

Ari: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

Ari (passing a somewhat older woman that’s jogging): Got Milf?

Mrs. Ari: What’s in the bag?
Ari: A kilo of blow. What’s with all the fucking questions?

(Mrs. Ari suggests that Ari is afraid of Terrence)
Ari: I’ll beat that old fuck and throw him in the pool.
(To his kids:) Only Daddy speaks that way!