Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we’re gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos.

(Ari mistakes a mail boy for an assistant)
Ari: Well, what is it you’re supposed to know, do you think? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Mail boy: I didn’t… I didn’t think…
Ari: Let me tell you something. You don’t have to say anything, you know why? Cause you pick up all your stuff, because you’re mother-fucking fired!

E: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C’mon, the guy’s not even Hispanic.
Ari: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That’s what actors do. They pretend.
E: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
E: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain’t on the list.
E: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari Gold: You do “Aquaman,” you stupid fuck!

(Adam Davies reveals himself to be the traitor within Ari’s coup d’état)
Ari (Davies turns away to leave): Hey, Adam.
Adam Davies: Yeah, Ari?
Ari: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.

Ari: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, everything! into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a god damn spike paddle, don’t think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!

Ari: Now, I want you to go to each of these agents – discreetly – and say the words “tse-tse fly”. Say nothing else. Now go.
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency…
Ari: “Silence” is fucking golden.