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Douche bag

25 May

E: You really are a front running douche bag, you know that?
(..)
E (Ari starts walking away): You are not seriously leaving in the middle of this conversation?
Ari: Conversations usually end after one person calls the other person a douche bag.

Mrs Beasly’s Baskets

25 May

Ari: What can I do for you, Bob?
Bob: You can finally pay me back for helping you sign Billy Friedkins when you were barely out of the mail room.
Ari: How many Mrs Beasly’s baskets is it gonna take to make you smile?

Do my Job

25 May

Babs (passes Ari as he goes to see Bob): Don’t spend the whole day reminiscing, Ari.
Ari: Don’t tell me how to do my job, Barbara…

Drop the Towel

25 May

Ari (showing his new office): Putting in a new shower, with a steam. If you promise to drop your towel, I might even let you use it.

First Love

25 May

E (walks into Ari’s office after not hearing from him for 2 weeks): Remember me?
Ari: One never forgets their first love, E.

Sacrifice

19 Mar

Ari: Sacrifice Lloyd! Like the Kamikaze pilots used to do.

60 Million

17 Mar

E: So what, this guy’s a prince, Ari?
Ari: A prince, an arms dealer, a coke dealer, who knows. What I do know is that 60 million to him is like lunch at the Ivy to you and me. That’s me and Vince, not you and me, E.

Citizen fucking Kane

3 Feb

Vincent: Besides the fact the L.A. Times compared me to Terrell Owens, I’m doing great.
E: You hear that, Ari?
Ari: The Eagles got rid of T.O. and look where they landed. Aquaman 2 is going to make Speed 2 look like Citizen fucking Kane.

Panties

3 Feb

E: [Come to Sloan’s event], it would mean a lot to me!
Ari: I get hard thinking about the fact that you actually like me, E. However, I am sitting down with your father in law for the first time in 9 months. If all goes well, I promise you that I will try to shop up. *If* you promise me not to wear any panties!

You Look Haggard

3 Feb

Terrence: Ari, you look a little haggard. Everything alright?
Ari: It’s called aging Terrence. Not everyone can stay young by sucking the blood of their employees.