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Dirty Talk

13 Jan

E (answering an early phone call): Why, Ari?? Why?
Ari: I’m in bed E, talk dirty to me.
E: It’s 5 o’clock in the morning.
Ari: What are you wearing?
E: Fuck you!
Ari: I love when you say fuck, say it again.

Expectations

13 Jan

Ari: Expectations, you beat ‘m by a dollar, life is great. Get under by a dollar, put a gun in your mouth and make sure I’m standing behind you.

Jinx!

13 Jan

Mrs. Ari: And if we don’t open?
Ari: If we don’t open!? No no no… if we don’t open!?!? What do you mean by that? Would you say that to a fighter on the morning of a fight? Maybe you’ll get knocked out, see you after the fight if you’re not in a coma? Don’t jinx this baby.

Butt Plug

13 Jan

(Lloyd hides a present for Ari)
Ari: Why are you sitting like that? What are you wearing, a butt plug?

Scared

13 Jan

Lloyd: I’m scared of your wife, Ari.
Ari: Yeah me too, maybe if I rub this guys on the balls she’ll disappear.

How Often You Guys Fuck

13 Jan

Therapist: Don’t you feel that a lacking sexual relationship is a big problem in a marriage?
Ari: Oh, I do doc. But we fuck more than any other married couple you know. And I know this because whenever we go out with another married couple and the subject comes up, they always say, you know, I can’t believe how often you guys fuck.

Blowjob

13 Jan

Ari: So you know.. After the year that I’ve had, and on the most important day of my life, you think that she would ask me what I wanted!? You know, a nice blowjob perhaps. Where I could just site back for the first time in nine months and do nothing but admire the top of her head, and *pray* that this fucking movie opens so I can stop selling off assets like we’re fucking Micheal Jackson.