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Matchbox or Hot Wheels

3 Feb

Ari: Where are you, sounds like you’re being fucked with a jackhammer.
E: I’m test driving a new car!
Ari: Matchbox or Hot Weels?

Virginity on a Moped

3 Feb

E: Vince feels bad about giving away my Masserati.
Ari: Wow, when my father gave away *my* car I was forced to lose my virginity on the back of a moped.

Fucking the Gardener

3 Feb

E: Ari, Vince really wants to do Medillon, he already started learning Spanish.
Ari: I know, he left 15 messages on the machine, my wife thinks I’m fucking the gardener.

100% El Certainto

3 Feb

(The housekeeper tells Ari Sarah was on the phone with Max)
Ari: Are you a 100% El Certainto it was Max?

Dakote Fanning with a Dick

3 Feb

Ari: Jimmy Whitacker is a spoiled prick, you wanna hire Max Ballard. He’s Dakota Fanning with a dick.

Pygmy drug mule

3 Feb

Ari: Oh-oh. What happened E? Haggis tried to cast you as a pygmy drug mule?

Noah can build an arc

3 Feb

Ari (learns that Haggis needs the full 90 days to shoot Medillon): Noah can build an arc and save all of God’s creatures in 40 days, he can’t shoot a movie in 65?

Blowjob before Dinner

3 Feb

(Mrs. Ari is moved by Ari’s caring about Sarah)
Ari: How about a quick blowjob before my Vince dinner?