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Less Than Jake

6 Jan

Ari: It’s too late for sorries. Vince is out! Jake Gyllenhaal is in! Brokeback motherfucking Aquaman. Take that bitch! Read about it in the papers tomorrow, but pass it along to Vince, or Drama, or whoever will talk to you now.

Fuck Dana

6 Jan

Dana: Ari, look, we’re all very glad that Vince came to his senses. But how did you manage to talk him up for lunch?
Ari: It was very simple Dana. I actually told him that he would have to fuck you if he didn’t.

Work for Lloyd

6 Jan

Ari: Anyone make any progress getting Johnny Chase a job?
Lloyd: I got some calls in!
Ari: Any agents in the building HAVE ANY CALLS IN? SOMEBODY DO BETTER FUCKING SOMETHING OR TOMORROW YOU WILL BE WORKING FOR FUCKING LLOYD!!!

Get Drama a Job

6 Jan

Ari: People, staff meeting has been cancelled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase’s brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don’t care if it’s a porn shoot in which he is being gang raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. 10 grand for anyone that can deliver this to me, today.

Yen

6 Jan

Lloyd: Can I vie for the 10 grant priza also, Ari?
Ari: Sure, but you’ll get payed in Yen.

Pull a Chapelle

6 Jan

(Vince doesn’t want to do Aquaman 2, not even for 10 million)
Ari: Yes, Allen, yes, listen, you’ve been more than generous. You know actors, crazy comes to the territory.
Allen: I understand, Ari, but if this nonsense continues much longer, I might get mad.
Ari: Believe me Allen, I more than anyone else do not want to get you mad. I’ve seen you on the racquetball court. Listen, I know that franchises do not grow on trees. I will call Vince myself and tell him how mad I will be if he tries to pull a Chapelle.

Needles in my Cock

23 Aug

Ari: Tell Drama he’s on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my cock!