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Citizen fucking Kane

3 Feb

Vincent: Besides the fact the L.A. Times compared me to Terrell Owens, I’m doing great.
E: You hear that, Ari?
Ari: The Eagles got rid of T.O. and look where they landed. Aquaman 2 is going to make Speed 2 look like Citizen fucking Kane.

Panties

3 Feb

E: [Come to Sloan’s event], it would mean a lot to me!
Ari: I get hard thinking about the fact that you actually like me, E. However, I am sitting down with your father in law for the first time in 9 months. If all goes well, I promise you that I will try to shop up. *If* you promise me not to wear any panties!

You Look Haggard

3 Feb

Terrence: Ari, you look a little haggard. Everything alright?
Ari: It’s called aging Terrence. Not everyone can stay young by sucking the blood of their employees.

Counter

3 Feb

Terrence: I’m prepared to offer you *four* million dollars.
Ari: Four? (pauzes) Ok, first, let me counter by saying .. fuck you!

Desperate Housewifes

3 Feb

Ari (walking in on Mrs. Ari’s friends lunch): Ah, the girls from Wysteria Lane. Which one of you is hiding a large black man in your basement?

Stomach Stapeled

3 Feb

Ari (leaving the lunch): Lunch is on me, provided that uh, Joyce, you still have youir stomach stapeled.

On your knees

3 Feb

Ari: My wife lost a contact, Davies. Why don’t you pop out and help us, maybe I give you a little curbing when you’re on your knees.

Sell Your Ass

3 Feb

Davies: I have something better you can bid on.
Ari: Well, you’re selling your ass again Davies?

Fridge is

3 Feb

Ari: You really think we can work together..
Davies: Come on, Ari, we’re all animals. We just go whereever’s the most food.
Ari: Well, my fridge is bare pal.