Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Expectations, you beat ‘m by a dollar, life is great. Get under by a dollar, put a gun in your mouth and make sure I’m standing behind you.

Mrs. Ari: And if we don’t open?
Ari: If we don’t open!? No no no… if we don’t open!?!? What do you mean by that? Would you say that to a fighter on the morning of a fight? Maybe you’ll get knocked out, see you after the fight if you’re not in a coma? Don’t jinx this baby.

(Lloyd hides a present for Ari)
Ari: Why are you sitting like that? What are you wearing, a butt plug?

Lloyd: I’m scared of your wife, Ari.
Ari: Yeah me too, maybe if I rub this guys on the balls she’ll disappear.

Therapist: Don’t you feel that a lacking sexual relationship is a big problem in a marriage?
Ari: Oh, I do doc. But we fuck more than any other married couple you know. And I know this because whenever we go out with another married couple and the subject comes up, they always say, you know, I can’t believe how often you guys fuck.

Ari: So you know.. After the year that I’ve had, and on the most important day of my life, you think that she would ask me what I wanted!? You know, a nice blowjob perhaps. Where I could just site back for the first time in nine months and do nothing but admire the top of her head, and *pray* that this fucking movie opens so I can stop selling off assets like we’re fucking Micheal Jackson.

(Ari shows Lloyd the dust on his finger)
Lloyds: The cleaning staff ‘s on strike, you know that.
Ari: They strike, you work. You’re Asian, you’re supposed to be a neat freak. Go get a rag. (..) Go Lloyd, go. I want every desk steril enough for you to get trained on.

Ari: Drama, how are *you* doing?
Drama: Still no agent… What do you say?
Ari: I say that it’s important that whoever reps you, cares about you. Right?

Ari: Big week! The kinda week that you will remember your whole life. It’s like the week that you got your first blowjob. You remember that week? I do! 9th grade!
E: Oh, one of the boys in the chess team Ari?
Ari: Oh, E, you could have never gotten this girl. Never! Beth Meraposa. Had a mouth like a Dyson Vacuum, you know, never lost suction.

Ari: You’re not gonna roll the red carpet with the three musketeers, not this time.
E: That’s only two, I’m bringing Sloan.
Ari: Perfect! Let Vinnie walk the rug with her. She’s way to hot for you anyway.