Ari Gold Quotes

(Vince and E. come to Ari’s house)
Ari: Ah, will you look at this ah? The boys of Queens are in the market for some brisket!

Ari: Would you look at this.
Lloyd: This is so exciting, it is like when the Warriors got back together at the end of the movie.
Ari: Don’t tell me you wack off to the Warriors. (Turning to the boys): There they are. A movie star and a TV star, all in one family. Who would have thunk it?

(Drama is afraid his show doesn’t get picked up)
Ari: Drama, it’s NBC, they gave Joey 46 episodes… they don’t cancel shit. Trust me!

Ari (on Medellin): Let’s just talk reasonably, OK? Sometimes, things aren’t just meant to be. Sometimes, no matter how bad you want something, you gotta let it go. Senior year, all right, I was obsessed with Katie Sherman, the most insane tits.. Anyway, the moment I found out she gave half the football team crabs, it was done. Never thought about it again.
E: You’re saying Medillon has crabs, Ari?
Ari: Medellin has crabs, gonorrhea, syfillus, it is an untreatable super germ.

Ari: Joe, what are you doing to me?
Joe: I’m not doing anything Ari, I’m just doing good business.
Ari: That’s weird because it feels like you’re taking a steel catheter and shoving it right up my cock.

(Ari wants Vince to do Metahorn)
Vince: We were never into it.
Ari: That’s the thing.. the script has been changed more times than Andy Dick’s vibrator.

Ari (on Medillon): The movie is yours. You got it for five million dollars. The studio is in it for more that amount but they’re gonna settle. All right? Congratulations, you’re the proud owner of a 150 PIECES OF PAPER! Yeah daddy!

Vince: You think [Yair] is a killer? (Turning to Ari) He’s not a killer, is he Ari?
Ari: I don’t know what he is, Vince. He could be Mossad, he could be Hezbollah, neither would suprise me.

Yair: My chef is the best in the world. You know, I stole him from a [???]
Ari: Did you tell anyone Yair or is there still an amber alert out on the guy?

Ari: A simple thank you was all I’m looking for. Russian, Hebrew, Farsi, I don’t care.