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Beg for blowjobs

23 Aug

(Ari talking to his wife about his son not getting into Briar)
Ari: He’s a legacy. Legacies are a sure thing as me having to beg for blowjobs.

Body Fat

23 Aug

Ari (to Vince): I don’t believe it. Normally I have to get Us Weekly to get a look at those pretty eyes. And then I have to look at the wee bottom lower corner of the frame to see the man of this little men’s [Eric] head.
Eric: Little pudgy Ari, you put on a little weight?
Ari: Haha, you wish. 6% body fat. Achieve that when you’re 40 and I give you a 100 grant. (…) (mutters:) Do I look alright Vin?

Break

23 Aug

Ari: So Italy was good? Leave it to E to pick to most romantic spot on earth right after he get’s dumped.
E: Sloan and I have taken a break
Ari: Whatever.

The Gigli Effect

23 Aug

Ari: Nobody wants to put Vince’s face on a poster with the possibility of a looming disaster hanging out there. It’s the Gigli-effect.

Isreali Blood

23 Aug

Briar Secretary: Well he [Ari’s son] did hit a kid with a ruler.
Ari: The kid was trying to steel his Power Ranger, he told us all about it. And I teach my son never to let people just take things from him. It’s my Israeli blood.

Piano Party

23 Aug

Mrs. Ari: So what are we gonna do?
Ari: We’re going to our old buddy doctor Reika, a higher level.
Mrs. Ari: What can he do?
Ari: He is on the board of trustees baby. We didn’t spend all those nights at his queer piano parties for nothing.