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Later, Traitor

23 Aug

(Ari sees Sarah off to school)
Ari: Later, traitor
Mrs. Ari: ARI!
Ari: I’m kidding, I love you baby
Sarah: I know you do daddy

I Swear!

23 Aug

(Ari asks headmaster Preston if he is behind his son’s rejection at every private school)
Ari: Well, we’re off to see another public school
Preston: Well, that’s not so bad. You know, I’m a product of the public school system!
Ari: Me too! (mutters:) You self rightious, black-balling, little cuntbag (…) asshole fuckface.
Preston: Well.. nice day to both of you!

Playtime

23 Aug

(Ari visits a public school classroom)
Ari: You gotta be kidding me.
Mrs. Ari: It’s playtime Ari, this is what kids do.
Ari: This is what in-mates do when they’re gonna overtake the guard.

Worse than Harry Hamlin

23 Aug

(Ari gets a call from his wife)
Ari: Jesus baby, what’s wrong? You sound worse than when Harry Hamlin got voted off Dancing with the Stars!

Paula Poundstone

23 Aug

Ari: Don’t ask questions Lloyd, not untill you stop dressing like Paula Poundstone.

Love Special

23 Aug

Preston: I’ve got a son. A special boy. He works at the mailroom at Abraham’s, I think he can do better.
Ari: How special? Because I love special. Halve of my lit department has an IQ under 65.