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Rape, but Prime Time

22 Aug

(Ari visits his wife on set and tells her he doesn’t want her to kiss Julio)
Mrs Ari: Sara’s best friend’s mom just got raped on Criminal Minds last week
Ari: A) Rape isn’t voluntary and B) It’s prime time!

Julio’s Lunch

22 Aug

(Ari sees a picture of Mrs. Ari’s co-star on Defamer.com)
Ari: Lloyd! Who the hell is this?
Lloyd: That’s the underaged student she seduces. It’s Julio. (..)
Ari: Clear my schedule.
Lloyd: Even your lunch?
Ari: I am going to be eating Julio’s lunch today!

Hi-Def is a Killer

22 Aug

Mrs. Ari (talking on the soap opera she was asked to play in): Tell me that it’s exiting, and that if I did it I would be good
Ari: It’s a soap opera baby… there is no good, there’s just degrees of bad.
Mrs. Ari: Well, then tell me that I would be pretty. As pretty as the day I left the show.
Ari: Well you left the show when you were 25 and now they shoot everything in hi-def.

Waxed Eyebrows

22 Aug

(hanging up the phone)
Mrs. Ari: Well guess who that was?
Ari: Uhm… let me see.. that was.. it was Carr Grosman, and she wants to know if she should have her eyebrows waxed first or she should.