Ari Gold Quotes

Ari (being interviewed on Medellin): I always try to steer my clients away from working with unexperienced directors and producers, because why take a chance? Vinnie really wanted to do this movie and there was no stopping him. But then when he wanted to put up his own money I thought that was crazy. ‘Cause look: most movies lose money. It’s my job as a talent representative to make sure that even if a movie loses all of it’s money, my client still sees al of his.

Ari (being interviewed on Medellin): When a director falls for an actor on set, all bets are off. If he doens’t get her, bet you have a problem. When someone else gets her, bet the house.

(Ari talking to his wife about his son not getting into Briar)
Ari: He’s a legacy. Legacies are a sure thing as me having to beg for blowjobs.

Ari (to Vince): I don’t believe it. Normally I have to get Us Weekly to get a look at those pretty eyes. And then I have to look at the wee bottom lower corner of the frame to see the man of this little men’s [Eric] head.
Eric: Little pudgy Ari, you put on a little weight?
Ari: Haha, you wish. 6% body fat. Achieve that when you’re 40 and I give you a 100 grant. (…) (mutters:) Do I look alright Vin?

Ari: So Italy was good? Leave it to E to pick to most romantic spot on earth right after he get’s dumped.
E: Sloan and I have taken a break
Ari: Whatever.

Ari: Nobody wants to put Vince’s face on a poster with the possibility of a looming disaster hanging out there. It’s the Gigli-effect.

Briar Secretary: Well he [Ari's son] did hit a kid with a ruler.
Ari: The kid was trying to steel his Power Ranger, he told us all about it. And I teach my son never to let people just take things from him. It’s my Israeli blood.

Mrs. Ari: So what are we gonna do?
Ari: We’re going to our old buddy doctor Reika, a higher level.
Mrs. Ari: What can he do?
Ari: He is on the board of trustees baby. We didn’t spend all those nights at his queer piano parties for nothing.

Ari: Yes E, I would say being rejected by Cannes before we have a distributor would be a disaster. One in a series of disasters orchestrated by you since you took the reigns of Vincent’s career.
E: So what can we do Ari?
Ari: Well, let’s see. A) I can give you a hug and say it’s OK you destroyed your best friend’s career, or B) I could have you come in here and write on the dry erase board 500 times “I destroyed my best friend’s career, I destroyed my best friend’s career”.

Ari: I think I can sell it [Medillon], and I can sell it for a lot.
E: To who?
Ari: Harvey. He’s been tracking this thing since day one.
E: He hates us.
Ari: He’s a businessman Eric. Not your prom date who still has a grudge on you because you didn’t fuck her right.