Ari Gold Quotes

(Ari visits Lloyd at home)
Ari: Living large Lloyd, looks like I’m paying you too much!

(Ari goes to Tom’s work place)
Ari: You’re Tom? Lloyd’s Tom? (..) I don’t get it. You’re a good looking guy, you could get girls.

E: Just tell us what our options are Ari.
Ari: Well, we could all drink poison gatorade and hope the next life will be better than this one. Come one E, you drink first.

(Ari sees Sarah off to school)
Ari: Later, traitor
Mrs. Ari: ARI!
Ari: I’m kidding, I love you baby
Sarah: I know you do daddy

(Ari asks headmaster Preston if he is behind his son’s rejection at every private school)
Ari: Well, we’re off to see another public school
Preston: Well, that’s not so bad. You know, I’m a product of the public school system!
Ari: Me too! (mutters:) You self rightious, black-balling, little cuntbag (…) asshole fuckface.
Preston: Well.. nice day to both of you!

(Ari visits a public school classroom)
Ari: You gotta be kidding me.
Mrs. Ari: It’s playtime Ari, this is what kids do.
Ari: This is what in-mates do when they’re gonna overtake the guard.

(Ari gets a call from his wife)
Ari: Jesus baby, what’s wrong? You sound worse than when Harry Hamlin got voted off Dancing with the Stars!

Ari: Don’t ask questions Lloyd, not untill you stop dressing like Paula Poundstone.

Preston: I’ve got a son. A special boy. He works at the mailroom at Abraham’s, I think he can do better.
Ari: How special? Because I love special. Halve of my lit department has an IQ under 65.

(E answers the phone in his new office)
E: Eric Murphey!
Ari: Like the new office number E. You know it spells 274-COCK…
E: It does not!
Ari: No it doesn’t but I made you look…