Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Attention everyone please! Listen up! No one mentions Richard Roeper again. Not today, not ever. By doing so, you are simply announcing that on sunday night instead of doing your job, reading scripts, you’re watching TV. The NEXT PERSON to mention Richard Roeper will be fired. And Lloyd.. you will also be fired if you don’t answer THE FUCKING PHONE!!!

Employee: I liked Medellin, Ari.
Ari: Then you’re a fucking idiot.

Ari: Carl my man how are you doing. I saw your trailer last night. Very very scary stuff. Makes Nightmare on Elm Street look like Free Willy.

Carl: I saw Roeper last night.
Ari: Fuck Richard Roper. You know I went to college with him? Yeah when he was pledging we used to tie beer cans around his nuts and make him walk across campus. I think last night was payback.

E: Well, well, well, long time no hear.
Ari: What, you got B. Arthur answering the phone for you?
E: I’m in a meeting Ari, what do you want.
Ari: Ah yes, the Murphey group doubling in size the past 5 months to two clients.

E: Are they gonna pay him?
Ari: Wow, all about the money these days. Makes me proud and yet a little sad that you’ve lost that prepubescent boyish charm.

E: An offer pending a meeting is not a fucking offer Ari.
Ari: How long have you been in this town Opey? An offer pending a meeting (slamming a report on a employees lap) is what you get when you make a shit movie and haven’t been seen this side of the border in six months. We’re living in a post-Medellin world. But amazingly enough, if Vince shows up with all of his limbs intact and doesn’t have some sort of seizure in front of Ertz, we are back in the game, OK. [sarcastic] You’ll call?

Ari: You two having a little rift huh? Playing the Medellin blame game, let it go like a bad piece of pussy. Just forget that you smelled it and move on. If he passes on this thing now he might as well be Cat Stevens doing butterfly strokes in the caspian sea searching for Mohammed.

Ari [after Vince left the car for his meeting]: So this is what you losers do all these years, you wait?

Ari [answering the phone]: If you need a kidney Adam, I’m not willing to donate, but I am willing to watch you slowly die if you’re looking for that kinda thing.

[after Adam’s call]
Lloyd: What did he want?
Ari: Fuck you Yoko, get E on the phone.