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Eggs & Defence

10 Nov

Ari: Jezus Christ, is it too much to ask for a god damn egg in the house?
Sarah: Hah, what’s your problem?
Ari: What’s your problem?
Sarah: Be more immature…
Ari: Listen, if a man can’t have breakfast cooked for him, is it too much to expect a trip to the store so he can could it for himself?
Sarah: Mom cooks us breakfast every morning, you’re always at work.
Ari: Let me get this straight, all women defend each other blindly?

Control

10 Nov

Ari: The problem is, I can’t run my business the way I want to, not with that woman as my partner. You’re mother controls me at home, she controls me at work, where can a man be a man?

Whitch

10 Nov

Ari: Any word from the wicked whitch from the East Wing?

Hurt

10 Nov

Babs: Thank you for the flowers, Ari. (pauzes) Was that your idea or Lloyd’s?
Ari: My partner has been named the 33rd most powerful woman in Hollywood and you think I wouldn’t care enough to send flowers? I’m hurt.

Rugmunch

10 Nov

Ari: What time is the luncheon by the way, I’d love to show up?
Babs: Eh.. No men allowed.
Ari: So it’s more of a rugmunch and then a luncheon…

You Nasty Twat

10 Nov

Babs: I’m not making any promises.
Ari (in his sweetest voice): Okay, your consideration is all I can ask for..
Babs (somewhat put off): Have a good day Ari.
Ari (out loud): You too, and congrats again Babs! (pauzes) You nasty twat… (Echoing Babs) I can’t make any promises, I can’t make any room alone- LLOYD!

Blow Job

10 Nov

Andrew: Why is everybody looking at me?
Ari: Cause you look good!
Andrew: I feel like a douche.
Lloyd: Andrew, my voice must be heard. You do not look like a douche, you look like a powerful handsome new Miller Gold partner.
Ari: You stick with me Andrew, and that won’t be the last you have for a blow job today.

Eric Roberts

10 Nov

(Babs wants Andrew to pitch her like she was Julia Roberts, and Andrew chokes)
Ari: Wow, Julia, it’s amazing how much you look like Eric Roberts!

Guest Motivational Speaker

10 Nov

(Ari runs into Babs’ Variety’s Powerful Women luncheon)
Hostess: Sir, you can’t go in there!
Ari: Well, I’m the guest motivational speaker..

Powerful Woman

10 Nov

Ari (jumps onto the stage of the Variety’s Powerful Women luncheon): Attention everyone, I’d like to make a toast ladies. To Barbara Miller, number 33 on your prestigious list, and you know what, It’s actually amazing to me, that at her advanced age it is the first time she made the list. She probably thought this is never gonna happen. But this little lady is sharp. She went out and she found herself a man to partner up with and look what she was able to accomplish. Huh? It’s gonna be interesting though, once she’s lost that man, too see how she’s going to claw her way back into this banquet room. But anyway, cheers to you Babs, and to all of you out there who have saddled up next to powerful men just so you can stand in our way. But remember this: although you can stand in our way, you will never keep us down. Thank you!

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