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Life Couldn’t Be Better

13 Jul

Employee: Morning Ari, how are you?
Ari: Well, my girl won her debate on Friday, my boy scored a goal on soccer on Saturday and my wife agreed to visit her mother without me. I don’t know how things could get much better!

Blow or Apologize

13 Jul

Ari: Didn’t you hear? Andrew just signed another show runner.
Babs: Oh I heard, very impressive!
Ari: So you either owe me an apology or a blow job. Your choise.

Lloyd’s Career

13 Jul

Lloyd: I had dinner with my parents last night, and my father spent the entire meal reaming me out.
Ari: You never told him you liked dick.
Lloyd: He knew that the time I was nine.
Ari: I’m not following you but the phone is ringing.
Lloyd: I need to talk to you about my … career.
Ari: The career you won’t have if you don’t answer the phone?

Talk & Listen

13 Jul

Lloyd: But Ari, we haven’t even really talked!
Ari: I talked, and my hope is that you listened.

Mad Men

13 Jul

Lloyd: You’re drinking in the middle of the day?
Ari: Yeah well, they do it on Mad Men all the time and they’re pretty succesful!

Nice of you to lose the baby weight

13 Jul

Shauna: Nice of you to show Ari.
Ari: Nice of you to lose the baby weight. What do you have like nine kids now?
Shauna: Three asshole.
Ari: Really, did you figure out who the fathers are?
Shauna: Don’t take it out on me you don’t have an excuse for those extra pounds…
Ari: Eh, I’m still at 6% body fat, OK?
Shauna: Yeah, and still 94% full of shit.

100 days

13 Jul

Ari: 100 days. You do everything that I say, or you don’t.
Lloyd: Fine…
Ari: First thing I’m saying, you drop 15 pounds.
Lloyd: You want me to drop 15 pounds…
Ari: I’m asking that for Tom, what I want will be much harder. Now go.
(Ari returns to his house)
Lloyd: I’m gonna make it through this Ari Gold!
Ari: It will be worse then when you had your anal cherry popped, but hey, you just might.