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Back to the Farmhouse

30 Sep

Ari (fires another assistant): Back to the Iowa farmhouse that breastfed you till fifteen.

Assisted Living Facility

30 Sep

Terrence: I have some business I’d like to discuss.
Ari: At your age? Shouldn’t you have more important concerns? Like finding an assisted living facility?

Discuss Business

30 Sep

Ari: If you have business to discuss, start dicussing. Because I’m busy with my own business.

Clubbing Baby Seals

30 Sep

Terrence: If you change your mind, you know where I am.
Ari: Clubbing baby seals somewhere?

You’re Fucking Fired

30 Sep

(Ari walks into yet another assistant)
Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I’m Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant.
Ari: I don’t care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone.
Jake: Uhm, any relation to Kelly Kapowski? You know, Saved by the Bell?
Ari: You’re finished. Go. You’re fucking fired.

Ever Heard of a Fucking Prenup?

30 Sep

Ari: Have you ever heard of a fucking prenup?
Terrence: Oh, you have one?
Ari: I’d kill my wife before I got a divorce.

That’s a Vagina.

30 Sep

Terrence: Do you have an offer?
Ari (draws something): I do!
Terrence: What’s this?
Ari: It’s a vagina! What does it look like?