Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: That’s a personal call you’re on Lloyd. I’m gonna waterboard you.

Adam Davies: What could you possibly want Ari?
Ari: I just wanted to congratulate you on making it to the top of the gestapo!

Ari: Get [Adam Davies] on the phone and Zach too.
Lloyd: Zach who?
Ari: Zach who you don’t get to know his name because you are a peasant. (Shows Zac Efron’s phone number).
Lloyd: Oh good god. Abs alert!
Ari: Don’t whack off to the sound of his voice. Chop chop!

(Ari walks into his office where his employees are gathered around his couch): What the hell is going on?
(finds Andrew sleeping on the couch)
Lloyd: Don’t worry mister Gold, he’s not dead. If felt for a pulse.
Ari (screaming): Everyone get out of here. Or I’m gonna be checking all of you for a pulse, and not finding one!

Ari: Put me on hold longer.
E: Ha, sorry, I actually have to work nowadays.
Ari: Glad that you finally admit the last five years of your life were all fantasy provided by me.

Ari (to Andrew): It’s time for you to wake up and tell me why you think this is a Holiday Inn!

Assistant at E’s new work place: These just came from the front desk for you.
E: Uh well I didn’t order any pizza.
Assistant: Ari Gold sent them. The delivery guy said to tell you: “Good luck, and you’re no longer a pizza boy, you’re now a pizza man”.

(Somebody broke into Vince’s house and stole his underwear)
Ari: You’re gonna let [Turtle] be the first line of defense against some boxer stealing serial killer?
Vince: She could be a hot fan…
Ari: More likely, HE’s a creepy little pale obsessive freak. Speaking of which, where is E? He got an alibi?

Ari: Andrew! There was a time when Marlo made you smile. Remember that time, remind her of it. And if that doesn’t work, do what every other married man does: think of someone else, when you fuck her.

Ari (to Andrew): One in very few guys get that ‘have a free piece of pussy pass’. You my friend, have it.