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Justin Bieber’s Virginity

15 Aug

Ari: I don’t wanna talk to anybody, was I not clear? Nobody. I don’t care if Justin Bieber calls and wants me to negotiate the rights to his virginity, I don’t wanna talk to him. NOBODY.

Gap

9 Aug

Ari: Jesus Billy you’re back and apparently working at the Gap.

Gangbanging

9 Aug

Ari: A writer’s assistant on a sitcom once sued for inappropriate talk, went to the supreme court. You know what they told her? They told her that the writers could talk about gangbanging her all day long as long as they don’t do it.

Lindsay Blowhan

9 Aug

Ari (to Amanda): Lizzie’s little work of fiction journal proves that I’m guilty like Lindsay Blowhan proves that fame is fucking healthy.

Doppelgängbanger

9 Aug

Ari: Listen, E. I’ll call you in an hour. Make sure your doppelgängbanger stays off the line. GO!

Big Brother

9 Aug

[Eric and Scott enter Ari’s office]
Ari: Is this the Big Brother program of America except who’s the big brother?

Whore

9 Aug

Jake: Eric and Scott I told your office now is not a good time. Ari is not in a great mood.
Ari: HAS THAT WHORE CALLED ME BACK YET?
Jake: Told you.