Ari Gold Quotes

Ari: Jesus Christ you all suck. If I wouldn’t have a five year lease on this place I would shut it down and work out of a cardboard box by myself.

Director: Payback’s a bitch, Ari.
Ari: Well back when you were on the sage you’d try to fuck it.

Ari: Maybe they don’t want to make a show with you Drama.
Drama: They gave me a holding deal.
Ari: The guy who grills my hot dog at Carney’s had a holding deal in 1978.

Ari: Well tell the school, that when they schedule a parent teacher conference for 2:30 on a weekday, that’s just their way of saying we don’t care about daddy.

Ari: Even with a million man army sometimes you got to do some groundwork yourself. Saddam Hussein had to hang a few without assistants, no?

E: You represent the guy.
Ari: I represent everyone now, Eric.

E: Come on Ari, you’re the perfect picture of marital bliss.
Ari: Like a hostage with a machete to it’s neck you have to put on a good face for the camera.

Ari: E, long time hear. You married yet?
E: Yeah October Ari. I assume you’ll be there?
Ari: Listen. Can I keep the little groom from the top of the cake just in case Sloan never lets you out of the house again? I could carry you around in my pocket like I always dreamed of.

Ari: Someone find out why we’re not selling the NFL rights.
Agent: They do it internally.
Ari: Well they shouldn’t so somebody get me a meeting.

Ari: This is now the biggest agency in the world. And I’m the head of it. Which makes me the biggest agent in the world. Now, can anyone tell me why I chose to be the biggest agent in the world? It’s so I can stop being a fucking agent. So don’t tell me to show the love, that’s what I pay you people for.