Top 25 Ari Gold Quotes

So Ari produced some 500 quotes, but what is your favorite quote? You can vote at the bottom of each quote throughout the whole website – and let your favorite quote end up in the all time top 25 below.

Fucked | Rated 4.83 by 195 voters
Lloyd: What's wrong? Ari: Has so much cum squirt in those eyes you can't see what's right in front of your face? Amanda Daniels takes that job, Vince is fucked and I'm fucked. Which means we're all f... read quote and vote

I’m Never Bored | Rated 4.83 by 78 voters
(Vince's new movie is pushed 12 weeks) E: What are we supposed to do for 12 weeks? Ari: Enjoy life, what else. And snap some below the belt photos of that partner of yours and send them over here. I... read quote and vote

How Often You Guys Fuck | Rated 4.82 by 39 voters
Therapist: Don't you feel that a lacking sexual relationship is a big problem in a marriage? Ari: Oh, I do doc. But we fuck more than any other married couple you know. And I know this because whenev... read quote and vote

Lloyd, Return to the King | Rated 4.81 by 57 voters
Ari (shouting trough the corridors of Terrence's offices): Now Lloyd, maybe you're not here, maybe you are. Either way, you have nothing to fear because I'm not gonna kill you. I love you. You see eve... read quote and vote

We Don’t Care about Daddy | Rated 4.81 by 16 voters
Ari: Well tell the school, that when they schedule a parent teacher conference for 2:30 on a weekday, that's just their way of saying we don't care about daddy. read quote and vote

Therapist #7 | Rated 4.80 by 236 voters
Ari: I didn't go to the Lakers game because they were playing the fucking Bobcats... And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer... read quote and vote

Wednesday | Rated 4.80 by 162 voters
Mrs. Ari (doesn't want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can't even have that. Ari: You could have it if you want to liv... read quote and vote

Cock and Asshole | Rated 4.80 by 127 voters
Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me Ari? Ari: Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd.. read quote and vote

I Hate ‘m All | Rated 4.79 by 110 voters
Therapist: Is it possible that these people are the reason you wanna buy this agency? (...) Ari: OK, Yes! If I could gouge out Terrence McQuewick's eyeballs, and eat them for what he did to me, I wou... read quote and vote

Fucking Replica | Rated 4.78 by 81 voters
(Ari interrogates the twins on what happened) Jim: He fucked my wife, Ari. Ari: He did not. You did? You fucked his wife? As you? Jeff: What? Ari: Did you pretend to be him or did she actually fu... read quote and vote

Tittie Fuck Carmen Electra | Rated 4.77 by 82 voters
Ari: Fuck the phones Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency tittie fuck, DON'T ANSWER! read quote and vote

Die! | Rated 4.77 by 31 voters
Ari: Die, die, die Lloyd! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls I want you to bite down, so he can die too! read quote and vote

Turned On | Rated 4.77 by 30 voters
Dana (screaming to Werner): Get your ass back here. I hired you and you have movie to finish for which your getting a lot of money to do, and that is exactly what is going to fucking happen. Do You Un... read quote and vote

Building his Self Esteem | Rated 4.77 by 13 voters
Ari (to Vince): I have him caddying today. Building his self esteem. (To Lloyd): Go stand in the corner. read quote and vote

Get Drama a Job | Rated 4.76 by 156 voters
Ari: People, staff meeting has been cancelled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang r... read quote and vote | Rated 4.76 by 70 voters
Ari: I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun, tell her that I'm gonna start a website. I will take a full page ad out in the L.A. Times adver... read quote and vote

Only daddy! | Rated 4.76 by 62 voters
(Mrs. Ari suggests that Ari is afraid of Terrence) Ari: I'll beat that old fuck and throw him in the pool. (To his kids:) Only Daddy speaks that way! read quote and vote

Jail Suits You | Rated 4.76 by 45 voters
Lloyd: Ari, you're wearing the same suit as yesterday? Ari: That's because I spent the night in jail Lloyd: OMG, Ari, why didn't you call me? Ari: Because you get one call and I wanted to use it on... read quote and vote

The Bigger Man | Rated 4.76 by 29 voters
Ari: A shattered world is what you get when you mess with Ari Gold! Lloyd: Well, if you ask me, Ari Gold should rise up, and be the bigger man. Ari: Well, unlike your world, where the bigger man pou... read quote and vote

Josh Winefuck | Rated 4.75 by 104 voters
Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I'm going to take everyone! Yo... read quote and vote

Fired at Last | Rated 4.75 by 60 voters
Ari: Great work, Rob. Great work. See if you can read this: [Writing on dry-erase board] Get the fuck out! You're fired, and in case your ears are fucked, Get. The Fuck. Out! And the next person I see... read quote and vote

The Jew has arrived | Rated 4.75 by 60 voters
Ari: It's all gonna be fine. E: How? Ari: Because the Jew has arrived and he doesn't like Germans! read quote and vote

Intern | Rated 4.75 by 36 voters
Ari: Speak or I will intern you like it's 1942. Lloyd: I'm not Japanese, Ari. Ari: SPEAK! read quote and vote

You’re Fucking Fired | Rated 4.75 by 32 voters
(Ari walks into yet another assistant) Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant. Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone. Jake: Uhm, any rela... read quote and vote

Cupcakes and Cristal | Rated 4.75 by 16 voters
Ari: How is the most fuckable president of productive in town? Dana: Ari, get the fuck out Ari: Brought Cristal and sprinklers cupcakes.. Your favorite. Or is it mine? What's the difference, we used... read quote and vote