Your Top 25 Ari Gold Quotes

So Ari produced some 500 quotes, but what is your favorite quote? You can vote at the bottom of each quote throughout the whole website – and let your favorite quote end up in the all time top 25 below.

Your Top 25


  • Cook a Dog
    Lloyd (looking at the dog): Isn't he delicious? Ari: Find something else to cook for dinner. Jessica is taking him.
    7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Bang Out Your Anger
    Ari: Oh come ... - That's what marriage is for, so you can bang out your anger.
    5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Cash for Hooker
    Ari (after hanging up on Katzenberg): Call my wife. I may even take her to dinner. You go to dinner as well on me. You got a girl? Jake: Not right now. Ari: Well you want cash for a hooker? Either ...
    4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Lindsay Blowhan
    Ari (to Amanda): Lizzie's little work of fiction journal proves that I'm guilty like Lindsay Blowhan proves that fame is fucking healthy.
    4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 54 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Carrier Pigeons
    Ari (on family night): I'm here, I'm present, I'm suffering. No phone, Blackberries or carrier pigeons.
    3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Die
    (Amanda keeps calling) Ari: I don't want to speak to her. Jake: Should I tell her that? Ari: Tell her I want her to die!
    3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    You’re a Whore
    Ari (to Amanda): You're sorry? You're sorry for what? You're sorry for leaking slanderous out of context nonsense about me huh? And then rifling through all my hard work to steal my football team? Fu...
    3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 53 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Spinning Lloyd Around
    Mrs. Ari: Why were you spinning her around Ari? Ari: I have dreamt, since I was a kid, about owning a football team. I would have spun Lloyd around if he was in front of me. And if I could lift him.
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Sugar
    Ari (off to speak with Lizzy who is leaving the company): Send 'm off with sweetness Jake! Hopefully you won't have to taste my sugar any time soon. Assistant: Yeah, let's hope.
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Football
    Ari: I did play a little [football] in high school. I was pretty good for a Jew.
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    L.A. Cougars
    Ari: Barbara Miller has committed ten million dollars and agreed to work for free as the mascot. How about that? The L.A. Cougars.
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Annoying
    Ari: Jonah, next time boy's night out. These girls are annoying.
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Twins
    Richard Branson (walks in on Ari's family night with two hot blondes): I'm in family mode too, so... Ari: Yes. Well played sir. I love your family. Mrs. Ari: ARI! Ari: Honey, he has twins. How rare...
    2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 52 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    No Names
    Lizzy: Ari, name one person that's more qualified than me. Ari: I don't know the names of any people in the TV department and the only reason I know your name is the reason no one is heading our tele...
    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Satisfied
    Lizzy: Ari, I'm not satisfied. Ari: I'm sorry kid, but I'm not the man who's gonna satisfy you.
    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Banging Cheerleaders
    Ari: Andrew! What a tragic time to be calling. I just landed an NFL team in Los Angeles and if you didn't blow your entire career up your nose you'd be banging cheerleaders up in a luxury box with us.
    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5.00 out of 5)

    Finger
    Ari: Listen sweetheart. You wanna call and butter me up with sympathy and then drop this on me because you think that I'm down and will take anything - let me explain this to you in a metaphor you wil...
    15 votes, average: 4.93 out of 515 votes, average: 4.93 out of 515 votes, average: 4.93 out of 515 votes, average: 4.93 out of 515 votes, average: 4.93 out of 5 (4.93 out of 5)

    You’re Fucking Fired
    (Ari walks into yet another assistant) Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant. Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone. Jake: Uhm, any rela...
    24 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 5 (4.92 out of 5)

    Lloyd, Return to the King
    Ari (shouting trough the corridors of Terrence's offices): Now Lloyd, maybe you're not here, maybe you are. Either way, you have nothing to fear because I'm not gonna kill you. I love you. You see eve...
    24 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 524 votes, average: 4.92 out of 5 (4.92 out of 5)

    Die!
    Ari: Die, die, die Lloyd! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls I want you to bite down, so he can die too!
    18 votes, average: 4.89 out of 518 votes, average: 4.89 out of 518 votes, average: 4.89 out of 518 votes, average: 4.89 out of 518 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5 (4.89 out of 5)

    Flexible
    Lizzy: You got the [NFL] meeting? Shit that's impressive. Ari: Yeah, I'd blow myself if I was more flexible.
    9 votes, average: 4.89 out of 59 votes, average: 4.89 out of 59 votes, average: 4.89 out of 59 votes, average: 4.89 out of 59 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5 (4.89 out of 5)

    Therapist #7
    Ari: I didn't go to the Lakers game because they were playing the fucking Bobcats... And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer...
    153 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5153 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5153 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5153 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5153 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5 (4.87 out of 5)

    Cock and Asshole
    Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me Ari? Ari: Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd..
    73 votes, average: 4.85 out of 573 votes, average: 4.85 out of 573 votes, average: 4.85 out of 573 votes, average: 4.85 out of 573 votes, average: 4.85 out of 5 (4.85 out of 5)

    Fucked
    Lloyd: What's wrong? Ari: Has so much cum squirt in those eyes you can't see what's right in front of your face? Amanda Daniels takes that job, Vince is fucked and I'm fucked. Which means we're all f...
    125 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5125 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5125 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5125 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5125 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5 (4.84 out of 5)

    Wednesday
    Mrs. Ari (doesn't want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can't even have that. Ari: You could have it if you want to liv...
    121 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5121 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5121 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5121 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5121 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5 (4.83 out of 5)