Ari Gold Quotes

Your Top 25

• I Hate ‘m All
  Therapist: Is it possible that these people are the reason you wanna buy this agency? (...) Ari: OK, Yes! If I could gouge out Terrence McQuewick's eyeballs, and eat them for what he did to me, I wou...
  (4.91 out of 5)
  
  Die!
  Ari: Die, die, die Lloyd! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls I want you to bite down, so he can die too!
  (4.89 out of 5)
  
  I will deport you naked to the Taliban
  Ari (to Lizzy): You so much as eyefuck an agent in this building, and I will deport you naked to the Taliban. <object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tN...
  (4.87 out of 5)
  
  Lloyd, Return to the King
  Ari (shouting trough the corridors of Terrence's offices): Now Lloyd, maybe you're not here, maybe you are. Either way, you have nothing to fear because I'm not gonna kill you. I love you. You see eve...
  (4.87 out of 5)
  
  Blow or Apologize
  Ari: Didn't you hear? Andrew just signed another show runner. Babs: Oh I heard, very impressive! Ari: So you either owe me an apology or a blow job. Your choise.
  (4.86 out of 5)
  
  You’re Fucking Fired
  (Ari walks into yet another assistant) Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant. Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone. Jake: Uhm, any rela...
  (4.86 out of 5)
  
  I’m Never Bored
  (Vince's new movie is pushed 12 weeks) E: What are we supposed to do for 12 weeks? Ari: Enjoy life, what else. And snap some below the belt photos of that partner of yours and send them over here. I...
  (4.85 out of 5)
  
  Therapist #7
  Ari: I didn't go to the Lakers game because they were playing the fucking Bobcats... And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer...
  (4.84 out of 5)
  
  Get Drama a Job
  Ari: People, staff meeting has been cancelled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang r...
  (4.83 out of 5)
  
  Wednesday
  Mrs. Ari (doesn't want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can't even have that. Ari: You could have it if you want to liv...
  (4.82 out of 5)
  
  Fucked
  Lloyd: What's wrong? Ari: Has so much cum squirt in those eyes you can't see what's right in front of your face? Amanda Daniels takes that job, Vince is fucked and I'm fucked. Which means we're all f...
  (4.82 out of 5)
  
  Cock and Asshole
  Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me Ari? Ari: Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd..
  (4.82 out of 5)
  
  Fucking Replica
  (Ari interrogates the twins on what happened) Jim: He fucked my wife, Ari. Ari: He did not. You did? You fucked his wife? As you? Jeff: What? Ari: Did you pretend to be him or did she actually fu...
  (4.81 out of 5)
  
  Jail Suits You
  Lloyd: Ari, you're wearing the same suit as yesterday? Ari: That's because I spent the night in jail Lloyd: OMG, Ari, why didn't you call me? Ari: Because you get one call and I wanted to use it on...
  (4.8 out of 5)
  
  Zac Efron’s Ballsack
  Ari: Keep your eyes on Andrew Kline. Lloyd: Keep my eyes on him how? Ari: Pretend he's Zac Efron's Ballsack.
  (4.8 out of 5)
  
  Woke up with Wood
  Ari (in bed): Baby, I woke up with wood. Mrs. Ari: And why is that my problem? Ari: Just take care of me. Mrs. Ari: How about you take care of me? Ari: Ah, come on. I have to work all day, I don't...
  (4.8 out of 5)
  
  That’s a Vagina.
  <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Vi1MxBwACsY&hl=nl&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess"...
  (4.8 out of 5)
  
  Dirty Talk
  E (answering an early phone call): Why, Ari?? Why? Ari: I'm in bed E, talk dirty to me. E: It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Ari: What are you wearing? E: Fuck you! Ari: I love when you say fuck, s...
  (4.78 out of 5)
  
  Blowjob
  Ari: So you know.. After the year that I've had, and on the most important day of my life, you think that she would ask me what I wanted!? You know, a nice blowjob perhaps. Where I could just site bac...
  (4.78 out of 5)
  
  Liver
  (Ari is about to leave his kid's birthday party for business) Mrs. Ari: Where are you going? Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant. Where do you think I'm going?
  (4.77 out of 5)
  
  Josh Winefuck
  Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I'm going to take everyone! Yo...
  (4.76 out of 5)
  
  Fired at Last
  Ari: Great work, Rob. Great work. See if you can read this: [Writing on dry-erase board] Get the fuck out! You're fired, and in case your ears are fucked, Get. The Fuck. Out! And the next person I see...
  (4.76 out of 5)
  
  Under You
  Ari: What do you want? Dana: I wanna be under you. Ari: Dana, I told you my wife is in the car.
  (4.76 out of 5)
  
  How Often You Guys Fuck
  Therapist: Don't you feel that a lacking sexual relationship is a big problem in a marriage? Ari: Oh, I do doc. But we fuck more than any other married couple you know. And I know this because whenev...
  (4.76 out of 5)
  
  Turned On
  Dana (screaming to Werner): Get your ass back here. I hired you and you have movie to finish for which your getting a lot of money to do, and that is exactly what is going to fucking happen. Do You Un...
  (4.76 out of 5)
  
  

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